Short Sighted

That's the way I sometimes feel but it would be more precise to say that I'm near sighted. That means that I can't see to any great distance but these days the near distances (like the computer screen) are problematic too.

In actuality, this has been the problem all of my life. I was born with something called optic atrophy or, in English, an underdeveloped optic nerve. It makes it difficult for my eyes to focus and my eyes try to compensate by shaking which makes things a bit worse. I'm not blind but my vision is only correctable to 80/20 on a good day. When I'm tired or agitated it's a bit worse. This condition has prevented me from getting a drivers license and made things like going to baseball games an unrewarding experience.

So, a lot of my energy goes into coping. In school I needed to deal with being unable to see what was on the board no matter where I sat and as an adult I find those bright signs in the fast food restaurants almost impossible to read. You can imagine the limitations being unable to drive puts on where one can work and live.

An optometrist once convinced me that I could get a driver's license under a special program and training. I did the training, passed the road test, and actually drove a bit. I never got comfortable, though, and I felt that there was way too much that I wasn't seeing. I let the license lapse when I moved to Israel.

Here's the good news. I think that this "handicap" has made me a lot more clever than the average Joe. As a kid I had to somehow figure out what was happening in class without embarrassing myself. Sports also posed a challenge but I stopped playing softball as soon as I could and took up bicycling and hiking. As an adult I still try to avoid standing out and having to explain myself. Every day is a new challenge, though. I sometimes have to cross streets to read street signs and house numbers and now I need to be sure to carry a magnifying glass to read the print on most printed documents.

I had a friend from college who called me several years ago when her son was diagnosed with a severe eye disorder. She asked what she should do. My advice then was to treat him like she would any other kid; no special classes and no special treatment. This was the world he would have to live in and I was sure that he would become clever enough to deal with it. About 4 years ago we were invited to his Bar Mitzvah. He used a special device to read the Torah but he did it with no more mistakes than the typical 13 year old. I think I was as happy at his party as he was!