I spent today with my mother. She's 89 years old and quite frail; unable to walk and confined to a wheelchair. She lives in the apartment that has been her home for the past 50 years and which I grew up in managing with aides 24 hours a day to prepare meals, get her dressed, take her out, and just about everything else. I don't believe that this is the state that she ever imagined that she would end up in. I also never believed that I'd end up so bound to her.
My mother has come to expect a visit from me at least once a week and a phone call at least once a day. Its often more than that and since June I have also taken over her finances which are a bloody mess. We get only minimal financial assistance with the aides and it's my job to make her limited financial resources last. My sister with remarkable fortitude deals with much of the day to day stuff.
To be honest, I resent the life that my mother has imposed on us. There is not a day that some obligation connected with her care doesn't demand immediate attention. It seems like this has been the case since my father first fell ill almost 10 years ago.
Having said that I do my best to make the visits pleasant. Today we had lunch together, went for a walk, and viewed slides that I found buried in a closet. She enjoyed seeing images of people that she had not seen in a very long time and it gave her an opportunity to talk about people and events that she remembered warmly.
I come home tired and frustrated, though. Sometimes I very guiltily feel that my life won't begin until hers is over. Between work and my obligation to her I am almost never home or at least never home with any energy.
A Photo a Day captured by Charles Rubin of Westfield New Jersey. By day he is employed at a major metropolitan newspaper. In his spare time he likes to read, bake bread, ride his bicycle, and spend time with his family. Please feel free to contact him at shaiwest@yahoo.com
1 comment:
Like grandma herself once said to me getting old isn't for sissies. This is tough stuff. I don't believe you should feel guilty for your feelings. You are a good son and you are only human. On my recent visit with grandma I noted how my 2 year old son and her had so much in common. They are both quite egocentric...everything seems to revolve around their needs, wants, and demands. They are both in diapers, and they both get cranky if they don't take their naps...so interesting how the cycle of life comes full circle again.
You and my mother are definitely going through a very difficult time
with her care I think this is a great way to express some of your frustrations. I only wish I live closer so I could relieve some of the burden off of both of you :(
I am really enjoying your blog so far, thanks for sharing it with me!
I hope you finish your novel one day b/c I would love to read it!
Post a Comment